In a recent conversation with John, a former business executive who retired a year ago, I noticed once again, a common attitudinal pattern among some newly retired men and women. John was recounting a chat with another retired friend who also feels guilty for enjoying simple pleasures, such as reading, which he did not previously have time for. After achieving so much in the workplace and growing a net worth for decades, many executive seemingly feel compelled to keep on accomplishing. If you are among those nearing this life transition are you now beginning to cultivate the art of giving yourself permission to enjoy a new way of life based on the re-evaluation of what really matters most to you at this time?
If you have been driving yourself and habitually engaged in action mode, it would naturally be difficult to re-balance your approach to also live in the being mode, not just doing mode. In other words, this is about re-learning the simple joys of human being-ness. Restoring equilibrium can start with awareness in tandem with intention. It begins with a desire to deeply “know thyself” and lead one’s life as an adventurous learning journey rather than just managing time and filling days with random and sometimes aimless activities.
Consider the word “per-mission” as an invitation to live as “per” a deeper sense of “mission”. So what is the new mission that is coming to the forefront of your life as you prepare to not just retire but hopefully re-engage? To grasp your new sense of mission requires that you re-define yourself on the being level. When you are no longer an executive, or an accountant, teacher, etc … who will you be? The foundation of your new identity includes your integrated life accomplishments, character strengths, the community you belong to, your passions and core values. Perhaps are you becoming a life-long learner, a new entrepreneur, or a person in service to a larger purpose or simply to others around you? Your new sense of mission can emerge and guide you from within once you:
– Re-define your personal identity as distinct from your professional role
– Take stocks and re-evaluate your priorities
– Take a stand for what matters most, set your direction and take action from that inner place.
As a small and simple example of this process, I recall working with Paul, a coaching client who thought that his retirement was supposed to be about making up for lost time of being away during his working years in a field that required frequent travel. In our coaching conversations he came to realize that trying to make up for lost time was a futile effort and that the best way to be more available to his wife now and in the long run, would start by some measure of self-care on his part. Prior to this realization, Paul would go cycling with his wife but she could only go for short rides because of her sore back. But when he began to prioritize and give himself permission to treat his wellness as a core value he decided that in addition to going with her for short rides, he would also go on 1-hour vigorous rides to his heart’s content, twice a week in summer and fall. After a few weeks of this new activity, he marvelled at the extra energy he had from the increase in stamina he was getting as result of his extended bike rides. With this additional energy he felt more creative and keen to take up new activities. Moreover, he was even better disposed to be attentive to his wife’s needs after he took the time to take care for his own health and to maintain his vitality.
Here’s one simple way to begin releasing the pressure on yourself if you find it difficult to give yourself permission to enjoy reading or whatever activity that may makes you feel you are not doing enough. Think about the activity as an expression of something you value and take a stand for. For example, reading can be about appreciating culture or literature, stimulating the mind and the imagination or learning something invaluable. In the case of Paul, cycling on his own was a great way to take responsibility for his health and wellness, a core value he surely wanted to “stand for”. Paradoxically, the quality of your life will be enriched as you re-define yourself and re-engage by embracing a sense of mission towards your core values, that which you are truly eager to stand for at this precious time of your life.
-For information about how retirement coaching and consulting services can provide an invaluable process to help you clarify the imperatives of turning a retirement into a re-engagement, contact Isabelle at 604 708-1585 or isabelle@inspiredmomentum.com
