We know that self awareness is an essential factor to create a way of life that is filled with more of what we desire and less of what we don’t want. Knowing where you are positioned in relation to your hearts’ desires enables you to correct your course if you drift away or if you are held back by limiting beliefs. But because we tend to drift away from our goals gradually, we often don’t realize this has happened until we have settled into a way of life that represents a fraction of all that we could be, do, have or give. Eventually this pattern can lead to varying degrees of resignation and a sense of settling for much less than that which reflects our full potential and highest aspirations.
What have I gotten used to?
This question is particularly relevant in midlife because its answer could alert you to some areas in your life where you have allowed your limiting beliefs to dominate your thinking. Limiting beliefs are all around us and usually part of our early conditioning. In the midlife passage is when it’s most important to ask yourself and realize whether you may have gradually gotten used to not being fulfilled in some areas of your life. For example, some people are chronically frustrated about the poor quality of communication or relatedness in their marriage. Rather than feeling that frustration, they gradually abandon the yearning to feel connected in a healthy partnership and settle for a fragment of what they yearn for, but at what cost? In some cases, people might consciously come to a compromise they can live with as they realize that overall their relationship is satisfying enough. But for many others, the gradual and unconscious settling causes a depletion of one’s vitality, self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
For others, the settling might be about taking on a job that was to be temporary but then staying in it for decades because nothing else seemed possible. I explain the inner dynamics of such a situation in my book Living Forward, Giving Back (presently available at 20% discount in the bookstore of www.inspiredmomentum.com). When we allow ourselves to get used to much less than we really want, we risk loosing our peace of mind and be plagued with painful regrets later on.
What meaning do I make from this?
Most of us are likely to feel our “buttons pushed” from time to time. When that happens, the natural reaction is to be frustrated or angry towards the person we see as the cause of our upset. By developing the habit of self-inquiry, and asking ourselves “what meaning did I make from this”, we can push the “pause button” on the automatic reaction. Instead, we choose to look at the underlying assumptions or beliefs that lie beneath our reactivity. Could it be that we misinterpreted the actions or words of this person? With this infusion of self-inquiry, emotional detachment, and the insights that will follow, we can gain the ability to respond rather than react. Evidently, we may not always be able to avoid difficult or uncomfortable situations with others. Yet, the power of self-awareness helps us to turn a potential conflict into a learning opportunity and to become more proactive as we shift our perceptions and our course of actions. Then we can regain a sense of self-determination knowing we don’t have to feel victimized by unpleasant occurrences or actions on the part of others.
What competing commitments do I hold in myself?
You may have seen the subconscious mind being represented as the under water part of an iceberg. Indeed, that is the automatic part of us that contains all the programming associated with our past programming, experiences, cultural background, etc. Whenever we find ourselves hitting roadblocks as we strive to achieve a certain goal, we may inquire whether we hold within competing commitments preventing us from reaching this goal.
Take, for example, a woman who aspires to get a promotion into leadership in her workplace. Perhaps she has enjoyed close relationships with co-workers for years and she fears that a promotion will negatively change her relationship with them. Her competing commitments might then be: loyalty towards remaining in the same kind of relationships with co-workers versus advancing into a level of leadership that she really also wants. Once she identifies these two opposing desires, and understands the rational and emotional issues at their source, she can better undertake the process that will lead her to make a decision from a wise melding of reason and feelings.
There might come a time in your life when you could draw great benefits from engaging in good coaching conversations to intensify the effects of deep awareness and feel sparked into motion forward. This is part of the multiple benefits of coaching; having someone you trust, assist you by gently revealing some of the blind spots in your field of vision. Once you see those being mirrored back from within yourself, you become further empowered and energized by the greater perspectives and wider array of choices which you could not see as possible before.
This time of year is surely an optimal time to springboard yourself into new and exciting possibilities. Contact Isabelle 604 708-1585 for a complementary conversation about how coaching may support your growth as you reach the goals your heart desires.
